Bubble Theory - unconscious action within the sphere

Bubble Theory is a way for me to engage my unconscious creative side while warming up before I get into more involved drawing or creation. It is much like unconscious writing or drawing techniques, the difference, I guess, is that this one is confined to a circle - a bubble. I wanted to draw the free nature of the swirls of rainbows upon the surface of a bubble and out of that came a lot of emotional stuff, much of which is good. Sometimes, like today, it took on an aspect that I guess was bothering me and actually has bothered me for a while. 

This is not to say that doing this brings up bad things each time I dive in, but this is one of several I've done and thought, well, since no one reads this, then there's no problem in me putting it here. 

So, here's the first of many bubble pages from my meditative process.

Sometimes you wish me to be more like you, to reflect your emotions and perspectives; to have a mirror-mind. I have compassion where you demand condemnation or agreement because my own perspective is in opposition to what you want to hear. I must assuage you because my ability to see from a different position of understanding or perspective is not what you want. What is required of me is to say "yes, you're correct," or nothing at all, lest I be accused of being bad, not taking your side, or simply not listening. It becomes too difficult to talk with you because there's no room for anyone else's view point, least of all my own. It makes me feel like a trash can that you can dump all your emotional wreckage in. Everything that I am is disregarded in the face of great emotional turmoil or pain. What I say, the wisdom that I can impart, is nothing. It is crushing, deflating, demoralizing. 
 It's in these portions of time that I loathe loving anyone because it makes me hate myself for all that I'm not and for everything I will not be.

Mardi Gras Mask-Making: Dark Water Sorceress

In October of last year, a friend of mine asked if I had ever been in New Orleans for Mardi Gras and when I revealed that I had never even been to Louisiana, it was decided that we were going to New Orleans for Mardi Gras. With a group of people that I had never met before. And we all were to dress in a theme.

Challenge accepted.

After ideas were tossed around, we settled on a water/underwater theme. (It was so much fun and I highly recommend doing it) I didn't want to be a mermaid because that's just too obvious and since I hadn't created a mask in over a yea, I would make the mask the focus - have it do the work of the costume without digging myself in too much of a time/money suck. I created a dark water sorceress' mask from a blank and glued sea snail, oyster, and muscle shells as well as feathers and a few crab carapaces and appendages.* Oh, and "some" glitter. Never forget the sparkles, my friends.
 *all shells were organically harvested from various beaches after each creature's demise;)

Nearly completed mask

Thoth's Cookin' parade day w/ Mr. Mermaid Lounge Singer.

 

Ready to snatch dem beads with these fun ladies

Nailed

Another heart. I think about this piece now, months' after its completion, and I see the representation of a "total feeling," a complex physical, psychological, and emotional reaction. This was especially agonizing but even from the sketch it felt good to do. In a lot of ways, art works are some sort of picture diary. I'm letting you read pages  fom mine.
In life, we take the hammering because it is unavoidable, and after a certain amount of time one tends to acquire an extensive collection of nails.

Sometimes I feel more of the nails than others. Being sensitive will do that. Also, I find with huge failures, all of those plans, those beautiful dreams, the peaks and valleys, so much energy and work, all became nails driving into one spot, knocking the wind right out of me. And the big ones take longer to hammer in so it's a protracted and shocking process.

Now that I'm an adult, a good portion of the time I'm doing the nailing. Whether it's about perception, expectations, rules (including moral and ethical code), or personal character traits, I'm making most of the decisions. You hold the hammer, life just provides the nails.

Or maybe it's  just me? Wouldn't be the first time that's happened.

Nailed: DeScaibled: 2016

Mixed media gouache, ink, and colored pencil on prepped chip board.