Inktober 2018 - 28/31

 

 I endeavored to do my best with Inktober this year. I missed 3 days in total, so not too bad. There are a few of these I really like, some are concepts that I'm now turning into actual pieces (like the mermaid), and some are...eh (my Idi Amin Crododile didn't turn out so great). Will attempt for all 31 days next year!

Old Small Jewel

  "Quiet" done in watercolor and ink crowquill is a work I finished a few days ago - after this piece sat langishing in various stacks of half started pieces for a number of years.
  I love it's vibrant misty silence. I can hear a hush of water and a rustle of leaves. I think I kept it unfinished for so long because of how much I enjoy this small jewel.

Spirit Flowers

These are small - 5.5"x 5.5" - pen, watercolor, and colored pencil spirit flowers. I do these sort of mindlessly, working out different color pallets/combinations, designs, and just general warming up. I did these at work where I don't have a compass so I used a paperclip and a pushpin.

Bubble Theory - unconscious action within the sphere

Bubble Theory is a way for me to engage my unconscious creative side while warming up before I get into more involved drawing or creation. It is much like unconscious writing or drawing techniques, the difference, I guess, is that this one is confined to a circle - a bubble. I wanted to draw the free nature of the swirls of rainbows upon the surface of a bubble and out of that came a lot of emotional stuff, much of which is good. Sometimes, like today, it took on an aspect that I guess was bothering me and actually has bothered me for a while. 

This is not to say that doing this brings up bad things each time I dive in, but this is one of several I've done and thought, well, since no one reads this, then there's no problem in me putting it here. 

So, here's the first of many bubble pages from my meditative process.

Sometimes you wish me to be more like you, to reflect your emotions and perspectives; to have a mirror-mind. I have compassion where you demand condemnation or agreement because my own perspective is in opposition to what you want to hear. I must assuage you because my ability to see from a different position of understanding or perspective is not what you want. What is required of me is to say "yes, you're correct," or nothing at all, lest I be accused of being bad, not taking your side, or simply not listening. It becomes too difficult to talk with you because there's no room for anyone else's view point, least of all my own. It makes me feel like a trash can that you can dump all your emotional wreckage in. Everything that I am is disregarded in the face of great emotional turmoil or pain. What I say, the wisdom that I can impart, is nothing. It is crushing, deflating, demoralizing. 
 It's in these portions of time that I loathe loving anyone because it makes me hate myself for all that I'm not and for everything I will not be.